Lucky, Unlucky, or Somewhere in Between? | Reflections on MBL Adoption Dialogue – Series 10
On 14 June 2026, The Mothers’ Bridge of Love (MBL) successfully hosted the 10th Adoption Dialogue. Nearly 40 participants from the United Kingdom, China, the United States, Canada, Australia, Norway, and beyond joined the online event to explore a question that appears simple, yet carries profound complexity:
“Lucky, Unlucky, or Somewhere in Between?”
As the second forum under MBL’s 2026 annual theme, this session focused on the voices of adoptees, bringing together adoptees, researchers, and storytellers to reflect on identity, belonging, loss, growth, and healing.
A Question About “Luck”
“You are so lucky.”
For many adoptees, this is one of the most common comments they hear.
But what does “lucky” really mean?
Does having loving adoptive parents, access to education, and greater opportunities automatically make someone lucky?
How should we understand the loss of birth family, language, culture, and identity?
Rather than offering simple answers, the forum invited participants to listen to diverse lived experiences.
As host Tongyu Li remarked:
Adoption stories are rarely simple.
They often contain love and loss, gratitude and grief, belonging and searching—all at the same time.
Shen Yang: The Story of an “Excess-Born Child”
Author Shen Yang, whose memoir More Than One Child recounts her experience as a child born outside China’s One Child Policy, shared her personal journey growing up as an “illegal” child.
From being raised by relatives during childhood to struggling with identity and belonging after returning to her birth family as a teenager, Shen’s story illuminated the human consequences behind government policy.
She reminded participants that:
“Every child deserves an identity, a name, a sense of belonging, and the right to be loved and seen.”
Her story highlighted how separation, identity, and the search for belonging are experiences that resonate far beyond the adoption community.
Cat: Rethinking the “Lucky Adoptee” Narrative
Drawing on her doctoral research and interviews with adoptees, Cat challenged the widespread assumption that adoptees are inherently “lucky.”
While adoption may bring opportunities, education, and social advantages, she argued that these benefits should not erase the realities of separation from birth family, language, culture, and heritage.
She encouraged participants to move beyond simplistic narratives and recognise the complexity of adoptee experiences.
As she noted:
Adoption can contain both love and loss.
Adoptees should not have to choose between gratitude and honesty.
Shaosheen: From Certainty to Complexity
UK-based Chinese adoptee and creator of the Not Made in China podcast, Shaosheen, reflected on how her understanding of adoption has evolved over time.
For many years, she considered herself fortunate. She grew up in a loving family that actively encouraged her connection to Chinese culture and identity.
However, through conversations with adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, therapists, and researchers, she came to realise that adoption experiences are far more diverse and complex than she had once imagined.
One comment she shared resonated deeply with participants:
“If adoptees are truly so lucky, then perhaps the luckiest outcome would have been being able to remain with their birth families.”
Beyond Lucky or Unlucky
Although the three speakers came from very different backgrounds, their presentations converged around a shared message:
Adoption stories cannot be reduced to simple labels such as “lucky” or “unlucky.”
They may simultaneously contain:
Love and loss
Gratitude and grief
Belonging and searching
Opportunity and trauma
These seemingly contradictory experiences can all be true at the same time.
Closing Reflections
As the dialogue drew to a close, participants returned once again to the central question:
“Lucky, Unlucky, or Somewhere in Between?”
Perhaps the goal is not to find a definitive answer, but to create space for honest and nuanced conversations.
Adoptees can be grateful and honest.
They can celebrate what adoption has brought while acknowledging what it has taken away.
They can feel lucky.
They can feel unlucky.
Or they can find themselves somewhere in between.
Because every life story deserves to be heard.
Previous MBL Adoption Dialogue Themes
2024
Series 1 – Q&A with Xinran
Series 2 – Birth Family Search and Adoption Documentation: A Dialogue with Chinese Adoptees
Series 3 – International Adoption Dialogue
Series 4 – How Are We? Adoptees’ Lives and Inner Realities
2025
Annual Theme: Adoption Healing
Series 5 – Being Adopted: Difficulties, Struggles and Hope
Series 6 – Having Adopted: Concerns, Challenges and Love
Series 7 – When Adoptive Families Meet Birth Families
Series 8 – When Daughters of the Bamboo Grove Meets Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother
2026
Annual Theme: Lucky, Unlucky, or Somewhere in Between?
Series 9 – Lucky, Unlucky, or Somewhere in Between? — A Special Session for Adoptive Parents
Series 10 – Lucky, Unlucky, or Somewhere in Between? — A Special Session for Adoptees