Strangers | 遇同胞，走世界，愿者上钩？
Written by: Zhang Yidong | 张亿东
Translated by: Guo Xiyue
Editor’s Note:
This article is excerpted from Haha! Britain — a charitable bilingual publication co-produced by The Mothers’ Bridge of Love (MBL) and River Cam Breeze. The book is a lively collaboration between 42 Chinese authors living in the UK and 36 university-based volunteer translators. With wit and warmth, the stories capture the everyday realities of Chinese communities in Britain, offering an honest look at the cultural clashes, humour, and adaptation that arise in the space between Chinese and British ways of life. Haha! Britain has been warmly endorsed by several well-known figures in UK-China relations, including Stephen Perry (former Chairman of the 48 Group Club), Luise Schäfer OBE (former British diplomat and Chamber of Commerce chair), Professor Hugo De Burgh (former BBC editor and academic), and British scholar Martin Jacques. The book’s title was handwritten by celebrated British-Chinese artist Qu Leilei, its cover illustrated by bestselling Chinese author and poet Feng Tang, and the postscript contributed by Xue Mo, a prominent voice in contemporary Chinese literature.
Illustrated by Tian Tian
Aside from enjoying new scenery, the best part about travelling is chatting with strangers. I love jotting down ourconversations, as it makes for entertaining reading once I’m back home. Below, I’d like to treat you, dear reader, to three memorable conversations I’ve had with strangers.
The first transpired on Saturday, 12th March, 2021 in the city of Bath. The streets were teeming with people, more tourists than locals, it seemed. The Romans built a massive thermal bath here in 60 AD. That’s right, a bath! It was a great way to make use of the natural hot springs bubbling up from a low-lying area. The surrounding hills were convenientlypacked with cream- coloured stone, perfect for building. It’s as if Mother Nature had handed the city a spa kit!
As time went on, the area evolved into a city, and what better name for it than “Bath”? The old town is well preserved,with a unique local feeling about all of the buildings, both old and new. Between its picturesque hills, thermal waters andsunshine, this charming little city attracts millions of tourists every year.
Coffee in hand, I headed down to the River Avon. A friendly-looking woman smiled at me, and I smiled back. Sheasked me in English if I could take a photo of her. Of course, I was happy to oblige. As I returned her phone, I casually asked her in Chinese if she was from China. She replied, “Sorry, what did you say?” Flustered, I quickly responded,“Sorry, you don’t speak Chinese?” She laughed and responded in perfect Chinese, “You speak Chinese! Let’s chat inChinese.”
We chatted for about a minute on the side of the road. She was from Shanghai and had been living in the UK for fiveyears. She studied in London and after getting her master’s degree, found a job in the UK. Now she lives in Oxford. Shetold me she’s quitting her job in March to return to Shanghai. Her reason? First, although the company is very good, her boss, who is Romanian, has been making her life difficult. Apparently, due to Romania’s historical ties to socialism, heholds a strong bias against her and always gives her the toughest tasks. Secondly, she snagged a ticket back to Shanghai last winter for RMB 28,000, and if she doesn’t go, that expensive ticket will go to waste. That sounded like a solid reason to me.During the COVID era, a ticket to China could cost as much as RMB 90,000, excluding the cost of mandatory isolation uponentry. RMB 28,000 was quite a bargain.
The second person I want to highlight is a young man who worked for the United Nations. He was from YunnanProvince in China, but spoke Mandarin like a Northerner. He also looked like a northern Chinese boy; strong and athletic. Ispent a few minutes listening to his story, and boy, he did have a tale to tell!
I met him at a coffee house not far from a small train station where everyone was seeking refuge from the rain. Hebought a cup of hot tea and sat down next to me. The first thing he said was that he works for the United Nations. A fewyoung Chinese people in the room were surprised and expected him to tell us more about his daily work at the UN.
He had earned two master’s degrees in London, and during his studies, he interned at the UN. The head of his department noticed his talent and made him a consultant, eventually signing him on as a full-time employee at the UN. It was a rare opportunity. The UN is known for being a slow-moving organization and it is difficult to get new people intothe system.
According to him, graduates applying for positions at the UN have to take the UN Civil Service Examination. Thisexam takes a year to complete, and even if you pass and get an internship, the chances of being promoted into a full-time position are slim to none. The bureaucrats who work for the UN lead a cushy life.
He was disappointed to learn that his boss, an economist with a few university professorships, did not know how to use Excel. He would never forget the day when he performed some statistical calculations in Excel in front of a group ofsenior UN employees who watched in awe and praised him a genius.
Last year, he was summoned to UN Headquarters in New York. Before his plane even landed, he was scammed out of $3,000 by a fake New York landlord syndicate. They had stolen a landlord’s identity information and posted a rental adonline. During a few email exchanges, they convinced him to wire the first month’s rent and deposit. After the money was sent, they demanded another three months’ rent upfront. That’s when he realised he’d been scammed.
After he landed, he reported the incident to the police, who informed him that the bank account receiving the fundswas based in Las Vegas and out of their jurisdiction. They shrugged it off. On his first night in New York, he ended upsleeping on a mattress he found on the street. His British bank had detected fraud and frozen his card, leaving him unableto check into a hotel.
And thus, New York welcomed this young UN officer with open arms.
He spent three months living in New York City. This curious young man decided to explore the neighbourhood ofBrooklyn. Within five minutes, he found himself surrounded and robbed by several men. He made a risky move and didn’tback down, instead he raised his hands in resistance. After receiving a few punches and kicks, he managed to escape. Afterhe returned home, his Chinese roommate shared some local wisdom: New Yorkers carry two wallets. One only contains afew dollars, and is the one they’re willing to sacrifice to muggers.
He said the New York subway was unimaginably dirty and smelled of urine. He witnessed drunks kickingpassengers off the platform. Outside his rented place, drug addicts would gather at dawn to inject themselves right on thekerb. He also spent time in Chicago, where a local friend introduced him to a website showing the coordinates of daily shootings and violence. He showed us a screenshot from his mobile phone, revealing at least 20 shootings in Chicago thatday, densely marked on the map.
After three months in the US, he was thrilled to be back in London. He left his hard-earned job at the UN for a new job in London, beginning the following autumn. He had planned to travel home for Chinese New Year and had spent overRMB 30,000 on flights, but those plans were scuppered by the pandemic.
He is passionate about outdoor sports and plans to climb the Alps next month. He showed me a video taken in Wales, where the mountaintops are windy and snowy, and the peaks are as sharp as knife blades, making them quite a challenging climb.
He was born in Kunming, Yunnan Province. His father is called Pumi, and his mother is called Dai. His father was the first one from his hometown to attend Peking University, and he is a few years older than me. He led a student activity, and when I mentioned a certain name, he immediately recognised it as one of his father’s good friends. What an extraordinarycoincidence that this young man I randomly met in a crowd could have a connection to me through his father.
His father and I had a mutual friend. I am very glad that his father’s graduation was not affected by that activity, andhe was still assigned a very good job in the non-ferrous metal industry and settled down in Kunming. After China’s economic reforms and opening, he ventured into the market and found great success as an entrepreneur. Sadly, his father’slater years were marred by alcohol poisoning and bipolar disorder.
The young man’s mother probably attended a good university, though we didn’t get a chance to go into her story. He did mention that his mother was an alumnus of an ethnic secondary school in Beijing and knew the school management team well. When he studied at Beijing Nationalities High School, his mother told him about the many shady practices in theschool. This young man was so upright and honest that he reported these stories to the media, causing shockwaves at theBeijing Municipal Education Bureau.
He was telling me about a misadventure in Barcelona that cost him his Canon DSLR camera, as the rain began to letup and the cafe started to empty. I reluctantly bid farewell to this courageous, intelligent and worldly young man.
Roger, the third person I met, is a typical elderly Londoner. His face is a charming blend of rosy cheeks and pale white skin punctuated by a kindly nose that seems almost half the length of a baseball cap. His perfect diction and even tone make him sound like the BBC. I stumbled upon Roger while he was fishing along the riverbank. He had just arrived and was sorting out his fishing gear. I stopped by to say hello. He was enthusiastic and answered all my questions whichquickly led me to abandon my walk and begin a lively conversation with him.
His fishing spot is a marina connected to the Thames by two small aqueducts. Many boats were moored in the rectangular water, serving as homes for some of their owners. In the past, I watched a film and thought that living on a boat in London sounded romantic. However, seeing these houses floating on the water in person didn’t quite evoke envy. It seemed more like a budget-friendly way of life. It is very cold on the boat in winter, and there is no sewerage pipe on the boat, so residents use a chemical toilet that requires them to dispose of their own waste. The boats depend on water and electricity hookups, making it impossible to take them very far from land.
Roger’s fishing was unlike anything I had ever seen. He hung a worm on a hook, and then placed a small porous plastic bottle filled with a handful of live rice worms about 30cm away. He’d cast the line, let it sink, and then tighten it. Without using a float, he determined whether or not there was a fish by observing the shaking of the rod. He fished for cold-water fish and caught a very large salmon last week. We talked about everything from fishing to housing. Roger recalled how in the 1960s, most of the houses in London were built by the government, and citizens paid rent to the government. Dissatisfaction led to reforms and several strikes, and then transformed public housing into commercialproperties. All of this played a part in making London one of the world’s most expensive cities.
Roger started his own business when he was young, publishing a local magazine that was delivered free torestaurants, cafes and other commercial outlets in the community. It ran on adverts for income. He did well enough toenjoy a comfortable retirement. His youngest son had just gotten married. Traditional Brits like Roger spend lavishly on weddings and even more on funerals. My last landlord Lizz’s friend had to wait a month for her husband’s funeral due tothe extensive preparations and costs involved.
Amusingly, after discussing funerals with Roger, one of my phone apps pushed an ad suggesting I start making a financial plan for my own funeral.
Roger was a chatterbox, and we discussed the Russia-Ukraine war, refugees, petrol price hikes, driving in London and the travails of parking. I was pleasantly surprised that my English was good enough to converse on such a variety oftopics.
Roger paused for a moment to check his line and when he saw the bait was still there, he shook his head and cast itback into the water. I took that as my cue to leave, and wished him good luck in catching another salmon.
About the author
Zhang Yidong, moved to the UK from Beijing in 2021. He is now a FinTech practitioner in London. In his spare time, he enjoys writing and recording interesting life insights.
人在旅途，除了欣赏风景，最有收获的事情当属与陌生人交谈。我喜欢把谈话记录成文字，以后阅读会很有趣。
这个周末我遇到了三个人。
2021 年 3 月 12 日，星期六。巴斯（Bath）市的街头，人潮如涌，本地的市民甚至多过游客。公元 60 年，罗马人在这里兴建了一个规模宏大的温泉浴池。没错，浴池！因为这里地处山坳，有天然的温泉。周围小山上还特有一种奶黄色的石头，可以用来做建筑材料。
世事变迁，这里发展为城市，便沿用“浴场”（bath）作为市名。这座古城现在被保护得很好，城市的新旧建筑，外立面一律采用本地特有的这种石头。
这座小城有山有水，又不缺阳光，每年吸引数百万游客蜂拥而至。我握了杯咖啡，逆着人流，延埃文河（Avon）下行。迎面一位东方女性对我微笑致意，我也微笑回应。她用英语问我可不可以帮她照张相。举手之劳当然乐意成全。还手机给她的时候，顺口用中文问她是不是来自中国。她居然对我说：“Sorry?（您说什么？）”我也连忙说：“Sorry, you don’t speak Chinese?（抱歉，您不会中文对吗？）”她说：“你讲中文！我用中文回应。”我们在路边聊了约一分钟。她来自上海，在英国住了五年。上学时住在伦敦，硕士研究生毕业后在英国找到了工作，现在住牛津。这位姑娘 3月就要辞掉这里的工作回上海了。原因一是她现在工作的公司虽然很好，但是她汇报的上司是罗马尼亚人，据她讲因历史上罗马尼亚曾经是社会主义国家，那位过来人对现在来自社会主义国家的她非常歧视，总是给她安排最重的工作，令她不堪承受。原因二是她去年冬天抢到了一张回上海的机票，2.8 万人民币，如果不回去机票就作废了……好吧，这应该是很充分的理由。现在买机票回国的人，绝对土豪，一张机票 9万起，还不包括入境后隔离的费用。而她只用了 2.8 万，看起来是捡到大便宜了。这位姑娘是学材料专业的，祝福她回上海找到好工作。
我想记录的第二个人是个小伙子，来自联合国。他是云南人，普通话却非常好，看起来像北方男孩，身材魁梧健壮。我大概用了三分钟时间，听他讲自己的故事。
遇见他是在距离一个小车站不远的咖啡屋，大家当时在那里躲雨。他买了杯热茶，坐在我旁边。第一句话就是，我在联合国工作。在座的几个中国年轻人惊讶不已，期待他爆料更多关于联合国工作的日常。他在伦敦读了两个硕士学位，上学时在联合国实习，后来被部门领导看中，同意他转岗为顾问（Consultant），签约联合国成为正式雇员。这样的机会很难得。联合国机构陈旧而且缓慢，很难有新人进入这个系统。据他讲毕业生如果申请联合国的职位，需要参加联合国公务员考试。这个考试要考一年，考过了才可能得到实习岗位，但转正或者升职的机会非常渺茫。那些已经在领导职位的官僚，却过得安稳舒适。他对联合国非常失望的一点是他的领导，作为挂着几个高校教授头衔的小有名气的经济学家，居然不会用 Excel。他忘记不了那天的场景，他在众多前辈面前操作 Excel，做了一些数据统计计算，被围观的前辈们赞为神童……去年他被叫去联合国总部述职，从伦敦飞去纽约。在飞机上还没落地，就被冒充纽约房东的诈骗团伙骗去了 3000 美元。那些人盗取了房主的身份信息，在网上发布租房广告，邮件交流过程中要他汇去了第一个月的房租和押金。骗子收到钱后要求他继续付满三个月的房租，此时他意识到被骗。他落地后报了警，警察告诉他收款的银行卡是在拉斯维加斯开户，不属于纽约警察管辖，推脱了事。到纽约的第一晚，他在街头找到一个床垫露天睡的觉。他的英国银行发觉他被骗，冻结了他的卡，导致他不能住旅馆。纽约就是以这样的方式迎接这位年轻的联合国官员。
他在纽约居住了三个月。这位好奇心很强的年轻人，专门拜访了布鲁克林黑人区。在街上走了不到五分钟，就被几个黑人围住打劫，他做了个冒险的举动，没有屈服，动手反抗，挨了几下拳脚后，成功逃脱。回家后，合租的华人室友告诉他，长居纽约的人都随身准备两个钱包，其中一个钱包里面装几美元，是预备用来被抢的。他说纽约的地铁脏到难以想象，弥漫着尿骚味道。他亲眼看到有醉汉把乘客踹下站台。他租住的房子外面，天刚亮，就有吸毒者扎堆坐在马路牙子上注射毒品。他还去过芝加哥，当地朋友介绍给他一个网站，上面标明当天本市枪击和暴力案件的发生地坐标。他给我们展示了一份手机截屏。那天芝加哥发生的枪击案件，不小于 20 起，在地图上标注得密密麻麻。这位勇敢、好奇、运气一般的年轻人，对美国的评价是，美国是垃圾中的垃圾。在美国住满三个月后，他开心地回到伦敦，而且辞去了来之不易的联合国的工作，在伦敦找了一份新工作，要今年 9 月份才能入职。年轻人本来计划回国，春节前花 3 万多预定了机票，但航班被熔断无法成行。他酷爱户外运动，计划在下个月登顶阿尔卑斯山。他给我看在威尔士登山时拍的视频，山顶风雪交加，山峰如刀刃般锐利，攀爬难度很高。
他出生在云南昆明。父亲是普米族，母亲是傣族。他父亲是老家县城第一个考上北京大学的，年长我几岁。他父亲就职有色金属行业，安家在昆明。改革开放以后，下海经商，公司生意很好。可惜喝酒过多，近几年酒精中毒，患有躁郁症，境况不是很好。他的母亲应该也上过很好的大学，时间太少，没有来得及谈到。只讲到母亲是北京某民族中学的校友，跟民族中学校领导很熟悉。他年少时在北京民族中学读书期间，母亲跟他讲了学校很多黑幕。少年刚直不阿，把黑幕爆料给媒体，在北京市教育局掀起震动。他还提及他在巴塞罗那被抢走了一台佳能单反相机，可惜没能听他细讲。雨停了，大家纷纷离座，我依依不舍地告别了这位正直、勇敢、充满智慧、经历丰富的年轻人。
罗杰是典型的伦敦老人。面部皮肤白里透红，和善的笑脸上驾着一个长长的鼻子。他的鼻子真的有半个棒球帽檐那么长。他讲话口音很像 BBC 广播里的主持人，语速均匀，语调平缓。我散步时遇到罗杰在河岸边钓鱼，他刚到，正在整理渔具。我好奇他的装备，停在他身边跟他打招呼。他很热情地回答我的提问。我干脆放弃散步，跟他攀谈起来。
他钓鱼的地方是一个码头，这片水域通过两个小小的水渠跟泰晤士河连接。长方形的水面上，停着很多船。这些船不能航行，有人住在船上。以前看电影，知道伦敦有人住在船上，觉得很浪漫。现在看到眼前漂浮在水上的房屋，内心没有半点羡慕。这些人住在上面是因为租金便宜吧。冬天船上很冷，船上没有下水管道，居民只能使用化学厕所（罗杰确实用的是“Chemical Toilet”这两个词），其实就是提着下船倒掉的马桶。船只是固定死的，从陆地接了水和电。住在船上并不能随意航行，真的只是浮在水面上的公寓。罗杰朋友的女儿心血来潮，买了一艘这样的船，没过多久，热情消退，就转手卖掉了。
罗杰钓鱼的方式我第一次见。他在鱼钩上挂一条蚯蚓，距离鱼钩 30 厘米的地方挂一个多孔的小塑料瓶，里面装一把活着的米虫，将鱼钩抛向远处的水面，待鱼钩慢慢沉底，拉紧鱼线。不用浮子，通过观察鱼竿的颤抖，判断有没有鱼。他在这里钓冷水鱼，上周他钓到一条很大的三文鱼。三文鱼在中国应该是音译，英语叫 salmon。聊到房子，罗杰说 1960 年代，伦敦的房子大都是政府建的。市民付租金租住政府提供的公屋。后来民众不满，通过几次罢工，胁迫政府改革，变成了现在的商品房。结果就是伦敦成为全世界房价最高的城市之一。罗杰年轻时自己开公司，做一份地方杂志，免费派送到社区的饭馆、咖啡等商业网点，刊载广告获得收入。他做得很不错，所以现在过着富足的退休生活。他最小的儿子刚办完婚礼。疫情前本已筹划好，付了巨额定金给婚礼服务公司，突然疫情开始，所有聚会被叫停。两年过去，那家公司倒闭跑路。直到现在英国放开疫情管制，这对新人才补办了婚礼。越是尊重传统的民族，在婚丧嫁娶这样的人生大事上，花费越多。英国人婚礼破费，葬礼更是奢侈。我告诉他我的上个房东丽兹朋友的老公去世了，葬礼要一个月以后举行。太多事情需要筹办，所以需要长时间准备。金钱上的花费，更是不菲。
因为我在跟罗杰谈论葬礼，几分钟后，居然就有我手机上的某款 APP 给我推送了一个广告，让我现在开始做自己葬礼的财务计划！罗杰很健谈，我们讨论了俄乌战争、难民、汽油涨价、伦敦开车以及停车的困难。我也奇怪我的英语水平，居然可以参与这样题材的对话。可能外国人学英语就是这样，掌握的政治经济词汇比生活词汇多，所以可以讨论国家大事，却不能对着菜单点菜。也许是跟我谈话让罗杰分心，他的鱼竿一直没有上鱼的颤动。他拉回来查看，鱼饵还在鱼钩上挂着，摇摇头又重新抛回水中。我该走了。再见，罗杰，祝你今天再钓一条大的 salmon。
作者介绍
张亿东，2021 年从北京移居英国。现为伦敦 FinTech 领域从业者。业余时间喜欢写点文字，记录生活中有趣的见闻。
Both the Chinese and English editions of Haha! Britain can be purchased at the following platforms:
· BOOK FAN