My Son Wants to Transition. My World Collapsed.

By Vicky
Originally published in Chinese on the WeChat public account “Vicky in the UK”

This is a true story. I know the people involved very well. To protect their privacy, I have changed their names.

I ran into my old friend Jenny at a wedding. She looked much older than I remembered, and her body had noticeably changed, as if life had weighed heavily on her. These past few years had not been easy for her.

I also saw her child there — no, her daughter, Isabella. This was the first time I had met her since Benjamin transitioned. If they had not been standing together, I would hardly have recognised that this tall, blonde woman was once her son.

A blonde, blue-eyed transgender woman

She was nearly 190 cm tall, wearing a fitted black blazer over a black bandeau top, paired with black pencil trousers. Her blonde hair was loosely tied up. Apart from her striking height, she looked every bit like a classic blonde beauty.

I greeted Isabella and gave her a hug. I don’t know how she felt, but I myself was quite nervous. The Isabella standing before me was no longer the Benjamin I remembered. The first time I met him, he was only five years old — I had practically watched him grow up. Though we didn’t see each other often, we met at least once a year.

She was still polite, warm, and composed, returning my hug. After a brief exchange of pleasantries, she introduced the girl standing beside her — Isha — as her girlfriend. At that moment, my emotions were in turmoil, though outwardly I pretended nothing was out of the ordinary.

A transgender couple

A wedding was not the right place for deep conversation, so I arranged to visit Jenny at her home the following day.

Jenny is British, grew up in northern England, and now lives in London. She is a theatre manager, well respected in her profession. Her husband Guy is a musician. They have been married for nearly thirty years and have two children.

Their daughter, Mia, perhaps influenced by her mother, studied theatre management at university and now works at a theatre in northern England. Their son Benjamin holds a master’s degree and, after two years of work, had planned to pursue a PhD. From the outside, life appeared peaceful and fulfilling.

Transgender people often need to take hormone medication.

Like most British families, both children moved out when they went to university. Jenny and Guy continued to live in London and both remained in work. Jenny took great pride and fulfilment in her career — until one day…

About three years ago, Benjamin told her he was coming home. She was delighted; it had been three months since his last visit. She immediately rang Guy and asked him to come home early and prepare Benjamin’s favourite dishes.

Yes — Guy does the cooking. And he does it well. Jenny can manage a sandwich at best. Whenever their children came home, or when guests visited, Guy was always in the kitchen. I’ve eaten his food many times. Honestly, the best Western meals I’ve ever had were made by him — better even than some Michelin two-star restaurants.

London Pride is an annual carnival.

That evening, however, the carefully prepared meal went almost untouched. After just a few bites, Benjamin dropped what Jenny later described as a “bombshell” at the dinner table.

He told them he had decided to become a woman — and that he had already begun the process.

The shock nearly made Jenny faint. Benjamin had not come home to ask for their opinion, nor to discuss it. He had come to inform them: he had already started transitioning.

She asked when this had begun. Benjamin said he had been thinking about it for a long time. In fact, when he came home three months earlier, he had already started treatment. By now, it had been six months. He even asked her, “Didn’t you notice?”

I met this person during the Pride parade. They were delighted to be photographed and wished me a great day.

Jenny admitted she had noticed he looked thinner, but hadn’t thought much of it. His clothing hadn’t changed noticeably. Benjamin explained casually that he had been taking female hormones for some time and that surgery was already scheduled. This visit was to tell his parents in person — and to ask for their support and blessing.

Jenny said that in that moment, her world collapsed. What had once been a happy, peaceful family suddenly turned into something she had never imagined.

She told me she was so angry she wanted to scream, to smash everything in sight — even to kill. But in the end, she simply sat there in silence.

Taking a rest by the roadside after a long walk.

She said it took all her strength not to lose control. She felt heartbroken and deeply wounded. She couldn’t imagine what might have happened if Benjamin had stayed the night — whether she would have ended up shouting uncontrollably. In fact, she felt relieved that he left that evening. Otherwise, she feared she might have done something irreversible.

Before leaving, her child told them that Benjamin was no longer his name. She was now Isabella. She asked that her parents no longer call her Benjamin. If they struggled to use “she”, then at the very least, she hoped they could use the gender-neutral pronoun “they”.

They were happy to be photographed and posed together.

Jenny told me that for a long time afterwards, she felt unable to breathe. She still went to work each day, but moved like a machine. She was grateful for her job — it gave her something to hold onto. Without it, she didn’t know how she would have survived that period.

Eventually, she “came to terms with it” — or perhaps resigned herself to it. She had no other choice. Her child was already an adult, living independently, and no longer needed her approval or understanding.

She said, “I love my child — whether as a son or a daughter. I raised them. This is not what I hoped for, but apart from accepting it, what else can I do?”

London Pride attracts LGBTQ+ participants from all over the world and continues to grow each year.

Her only hope was that Isabella had made this decision after deep and careful thought. The surgery had been completed a year earlier. There was no turning back.

Jenny said she is now glad to see that Isabella appears happy and has a girlfriend — Isha, who is also transgender. She said, “As long as she is happy, that’s enough. My child is grown. They no longer need to seek their parents’ approval for their decisions. I no longer have the right to interfere in their lives.”

This photo was taken after a weekend Pride parade in London’s Chinatown. What caught my attention was the sign she was holding. On the other side, it read: ‘Single and looking for a transgender woman to marry.’

This is not the first transgender person I have encountered. I also know a fourteen-year-old boy — the nephew of a friend — whose birth name was Eric. I’ve met him several times: slim, sensitive, kind, and gentle. To me, he seemed no different from other boys.

Recently, my friend told me that Eric had come out to his parents. Deep down, he had always felt he was a girl and hoped to begin transitioning. His family had already sensed something over the years. They hugged him, gave him their blessing, and told him that his life choices were his own — but that he would need to wait until he turned eighteen. That gave him four more years to think things through. They did not oppose him dressing in a more feminine way in the meantime.

This, they felt, would give him time — and also allow him to express himself openly, which might help him make his final decision.

Eric now has a new name: Lily.

“There is no choice but acceptance.”