My Ten Years in the UK | 英国十年行
Written by: Zhai Maona | 翟茂娜
Translated by: Rachel Cai
Editor’s Note:
This article is excerpted from Haha! Britain — a charitable bilingual publication co-produced by The Mothers’ Bridge of Love (MBL) and River Cam Breeze. The book is a lively collaboration between 42 Chinese authors living in the UK and 36 university-based volunteer translators. With wit and warmth, the stories capture the everyday realities of Chinese communities in Britain, offering an honest look at the cultural clashes, humour, and adaptation that arise in the space between Chinese and British ways of life. Haha! Britain has been warmly endorsed by several well-known figures in UK-China relations, including Stephen Perry (former Chairman of the 48 Group Club), Luise Schäfer OBE (former British diplomat and Chamber of Commerce chair), Professor Hugo De Burgh (former BBC editor and academic), and British scholar Martin Jacques. The book’s title was handwritten by celebrated British-Chinese artist Qu Leilei, its cover illustrated by bestselling Chinese author and poet Feng Tang, and the postscript contributed by Xue Mo, a prominent voice in contemporary Chinese literature.
Illustrated by Tian Tian
At the beginning of 2013, I embarked on my journey to the UK with my 7-month-old daughter. Her innocent smile and the heavy snowfall that year still live vividly in my memories of that time. Ten years have passed in a flash; it is now the last month of 2023. How many decades does one have in life? There are a few moments from these past ten years that I cherish the most...
After landing in the UK, our first meal was served at my husband’s colleague’s house. He and his wife were a lovely couple. Mr. Duan, affectionately known as “Brother Duan”, was a Tsinghua alum, and his wife, “Sister Jia”, was a Peking University alum, and a gentle and virtuous woman. She explained that lotus root, cabbage and tofu were considered “luxuries” in the UK. I was touched as I saw the table laden with these “luxuries”. Being warmly welcomed in a foreign land was already a blessing, let alone being treated to an extravagant meal.
As I spent more time in the UK, I came to realise just how rare and precious lotus root, cabbage, and tofu truly are. I discovered that Haagen-Dazs and cabbage often cost the same, with almost every supermarket brimming with Haagen-Dazs, while finding a store that stocked cabbage can be quite the challenge. Whenever I reflect on that first meal, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for Brother Duan and Sister Jia. We’ve embraced this spirit of hospitality ourselves, and with a constant influx of visiting scholars, welcoming and bidding farewell to guests has become a cherished part of our life here.
In the UK, I quickly grasped the meaning of the term “country on wheels”. Here, it’s quite rare to see someone carrying a child in their arms while out and about; instead, children are comfortably settled in strollers of all varieties, including single, double and even triple models. I once encountered a baby less than two weeks old playing at a children’s centre. In China, a mother would never take her baby out during the postpartum one-month confinement period. That would be nothing short of a dream! Yet here, that dream becomes reality, as British women do not observe such confinement.
What truly struck me was how adults at many children’s activity centres communicated with children at eye level. When the children sat, the adults sat; when the children kneeled or lay down, the adults followed suit. I couldn’t help but wonder how this approach differs from what I might have seen in China, though I regret not having had children before to compare. I was pleasantly surprised, yet I didn’t want to make a fuss. This profound respect for children’s nature and their wishes, along with a strong emphasis on appreciation, encouragement and tolerance, was truly heartwarming. As a mother, I found it reassuring to see that the pressures of excessive early education or fierce competition, which I had often heard about, didn’t appear to be prevalent here.
I have also witnessed the remarkable kindness of the British people. The first time I took my daughter to the city centre, I was unprepared for the complexity of the Underground lines and the numerous transfers. It was frustrating to discover that many transfers didn’t have elevators. I regretted not doing enough research to understand the British Underground system better. As I stood staring at the stairs in despair, grumbling to myself, a gentleman in a long coat approached and asked, “I guess you need some help?” Before I could even respond, he had already lifted my daughter’s stroller, carried it up the stairs, and escorted us to the entrance of the station.
Such kindness became a common occurrence, and I gradually grew accustomed to it. On one occasion, I was dragging a large, though not heavy, suitcase that I could have managed myself. However, as I paused for a moment to organise my clothes, someone swiftly picked up my suitcase and took it downstairs for me. I might have thought it was stolen if I hadn’t grown used to such gestures of goodwill. There was even one time when I genuinely thought my suitcase was being “stolen”, only to discover that someone had carried it down for me, nodded at me, and disappeared before I could react – likely in a hurry.
Thanks to these heartwarming experiences, I’ve come to appreciate the worn charm of the British Underground system. After all, it’s over a hundred years old, steeped in history and stories that span more than a century.
Over the past ten years, I’ve grown accustomed to not working overtime on weekends and embracing simple, relaxed relationships with my colleagues. Our gatherings have always been light-hearted and enjoyable. I want to give special mention to the somewhat old-fashioned tradition of Boxing Day. While employers may not typically give gifts to employees, our institute’s big boss often invited us to his house parties, for which I am truly grateful – especially to his wife, whom I see as a virtuous woman.
I have also become accustomed to the sight of lush green water plants and snowy white swans. Among the Queen’s private property, the swans are the birds I see most frequently, though I haven’t looked into whether they now belong to the King after the Queen’s passing. The British have a deep love for gardening, and their front and back yards are filled with a delightful array of flowers and plants. When my mother-in-law visited, she remarked that if we grew our own vegetables, we wouldn’t need to rely on the supermarket. At the far end of our forty-metre-long yard, my diligent mother-in-law established a vegetable garden and embarked on her gardening endeavours. She often hums while tending to the plants, genuinely relishing the process. As a result, we’ve been able to enjoy completely natural, organic vegetables throughout the summer and early autumn, which not only fulfilled our needs but were also frequently shared with our neighbours.
Outdoors, you can often see people running everywhere – on the streets, in the forests, by the sea. Some even pick up litter as they run, holding empty bottles in their hands. I often wondered why they don’t just carry a trash bag so they can carry even more.
Nowadays, the UK has become our partial homeland, with a significant decade of our lives spent here. I’ve grown accustomed to and come to cherish the slow pace of life, the inclusiveness, the gentility and the depth of this country. However, I’m still not a fan of the winters – when it rains, it feels as though the sky is leaking.
A few days ago, I went to replace a door handle. An elderly gentleman pulled out a thick book, carefully flipping through its pages before informing me that the handle style had been discontinued and that the same size was no longer available. If I insisted on changing the handle, I would need to replace the entire door. I explained that I didn’t like the outdated style and wanted to change it. He shrugged, pushed up his glasses, looked at me intently and smiled, saying very solemnly, “Child, if you cannot change her, try to like her.” His words enlightened me. Change and growth can happen in an instant, and it was at that moment that I began to appreciate winter in England. Perhaps it was the way he began with “Child” that evoked the warmth of my parents and my homeland. I hope that you, dear reader, can also find your way to that warmth.
About the author
Zhai Maona was born in Shandong and graduated from Xiamen University. She moved to the UK in 2013 with her husband on a work visa to engage in research and education. In 2020, she transitioned to the health sector due to personal health issues. She is now a Senior Health Manager, Vice President of the Sino-German Nutrition and Health Association, and German PM Company UK branch president.
2013 年初，我带着 7 个月大的女儿踏上了英国的土地。孩子天真纯洁的笑容和那年的大雪成为我对当时最鲜活的记忆。一晃 10 年过去了，现在已是 2023 年的最后一个月，人生有多少个 10年呢？这十年里有几个镜头是我非常珍视的……
飞机落地的第一餐，是在老公同事家用的。同事夫妇是清华和北大毕业生的结合，男主人尊称“段大哥”（清华哥），女主人尊称“佳佳姐”（北大姐），用温婉贤淑形容她很贴切。她告诉我说来了英国以后，莲藕、白菜、豆腐都会是“奢侈品”。我当时望着一桌的“奢侈品”很是感动，毕竟在异国他乡能有人接待已经很幸福，何况还准备一桌“奢侈品”相迎。后来在英国住久了，也真真体验到莲藕、白菜和豆腐的昂贵：哈根达斯和白菜一个价格，每个超市都有哈根达斯，但卖白菜的超市却是凤毛麟角……每每忆起这段总是感恩祝福“段大哥”和“佳佳姐”，我们也将这个优良传统传承了下去。大学访学老师多，迎来送往成为后来我们生活中的一个重要组成部分。
在英国，我很快见识到什么叫“车轮上的国度”。因为这里抱孩子出门的极少极少，都是放在婴儿车上——各式各样的单、双甚至三胞胎的婴儿车都有。在儿童活动中心（children centre）见过刚刚出生不到两周的孩子来参加活动。若是在国内，产妇这时候还没出月子呢，怎么能带孩子出门参加活动？梦里有吧！不过在英国算是梦想成真，因为她们不坐月子。把我感动到的一点是我发现在很多的儿童活动中心，成人和孩子的沟通是平视的，孩子坐着成人也坐着，孩子跪着趴着成人也跪着趴着。我在想是不是以前我没孩子不知道国内是啥情况。我心里是开心的，但也没张扬。十分尊重孩子们的天性和意愿，体会到更多的是欣赏、鼓励和包容，没有之前耳闻的内卷和过度早教，作为妈妈心里十分开心。
我也见识到了英国人的热心。第一次带女儿去市中心，我被英国的地铁复杂的线路和各种换乘搞晕了。更让我发晕的是好多线路间的换乘没有电梯。不过这也要怪我功课没做足，没提前了解英国地铁的线路和设施。当我望着那些台阶暗自神伤、内心吐槽之时刻，一位穿着“大风衣”的男士很绅士地开口道：“我猜你需要帮助吧。”我头刚点了半下，真的是半下，“大风衣”已经将女儿的婴儿车抱起，蹭蹭蹭地走上去了，还服务到位地送到了下一站入口。之后此类事件多次重演，我也习惯了。但有一次我拉个飞机托运箱，看着大但并不重，我完全可以自己提下楼梯，整理一下衣服几秒钟的空档，行李箱已经被旁边的人拎起帮我提下去了，不是我习惯的话，还以为行李箱被抢了，事实上有一次我差点以为自己的行李箱被“抢”了，结果人家帮提下楼梯就回头冲我点头后迅速消失（估计是赶时间）。也是因为类似暖心的事一再发生，我彻底原谅了英国地铁的老旧，毕竟一百多年了，里面的故事更是不止一个世纪。
这十年，我习惯了工作上周末在家不加班，同事间关系简单轻松，聚会也总是轻松愉悦。特别要称赞一下那个有点老套的节礼日（Boxing Day）。虽然雇主没有给雇员送礼，但是研究所大领导倒是邀请我们好几次参加家宴，为此我非常感谢大领导，特别是他的夫人，在我眼中她贤能淑德全占。
我也习惯了看河里碧绿的水草和雪白的天鹅。女王的私有财产里，我经常能看到的也就是她的天鹅了。女王仙逝后天鹅是不是应该归国王，我未曾深究。英国人喜欢园艺，前庭后院种了各种花草。婆婆来英，说这里要是种上菜根本不用去超市。于是在四十多米长的院子尽头，勤劳的婆婆开辟出一处菜园，开始她的英国种菜之旅，经常哼着小曲在菜园劳作，她是真的很享受种菜的过程。于是我家顺利成章地在夏天和初秋能吃上纯天然有机蔬菜，这些菜不仅能自给自足，还能时常分享给邻里。
室外能经常见到各种跑步的人，马路上有，森林里有，海边也有，还有边跑边捡垃圾的，空瓶啥的直接抓在手里。我心想他们或许可以随身带个垃圾袋，至少可以解放一只手，“收获”也会更多。
现在，英国已是我们的半个故乡了，生命中极其重要的十年都在英国度过。我也习惯并喜欢上了这里的慢生活，她的包容，她的绅士，她的沉淀，但还是不太喜欢她的冬天——下雨像天漏了一般。前几天去换一个门锁把手，一位老绅士拿出一本厚厚的书，仔细查找后告诉我，这种款式的把手已经停产，相同尺码的现在没有了，如果非要更换把手，需要连门一起更换！我说我不喜欢这老旧的款式，所以想换，他耸耸肩，左手扶着眼镜向上托了一下，炯炯有神地看向我，面带微笑但非常郑重地说：“孩子，如果你不能改变它，就试着去喜欢它。”老绅士的这句话让我突然开窍了。改变、成长真的可以在一瞬间完成，也是从那一刻起，我开始喜欢英国的冬天。也许是那句“孩子”的开头，让我在异国感受到了家乡父母的温暖。希望正在阅读这篇文章的您，也能有所感悟，体会温暖。
作者介绍
翟茂娜，山东人，厦门大学毕业，2013 年随夫工签来英从事科研教育类工作，2020 年因自身健康问题转型健康领域，现为高级健康管理师，中德营养与健康协会副会长，德国 PM 公司英国分公司总裁。
Both the Chinese and English editions of Haha! Britain can be purchased at the following platforms:
· BOOK FAN